I could not remember when I started loving him. He was a great man: a man of his words, a man of his actions, a man of his craft and a man of his own manliness. He did not do anything to make me adore him; I just loved him from the very start. And I felt how he loved me, too!
Though love was an eternal thing, our physical being loosen up its ties with life. Time to bid goodbye.
Goodbye the man I ever loved. Everyone would asked, when would be in love with a man who really exist. All I know was, I did not know.
Now, I am twenty-five years old, never a little girl again nor a real lady ready for serious lifelong journey. Living my life was only a routine: at home then went to work and then went home to rest my weak physical being. It was my weekdays, never changing. A boring thing as everyone looked at it. But during weekends, I try to change my tiring routine.
I decided to go to the Mall. I will spend my day strolling around, looking for something not knowing what it was.
"Hi Ma'am Zoe!" The boys greeted me as I walked my way out of our village.
I just smiled without showing any of my white teeth, just to show I am not snobbish. I am still thinking about my reputation, as a Teacher. Every day, people in our village would the same. They will greet me in the morning before I go to school and in the evening as I went home. I felt the feeling of fear that they just do it not because who I am as a person but rather as they see in the way I dressed, conservatively, modest and simple like other teachers do.
Since it was only eleven in the morning, I will eat my lunch in my favorite stall at food court. My Mom would not be bothered if I went early to the mall as long as I buy her favorite siopao. It was luxurious and expensive, but no regrets with my actions as I felt the satisfaction as I stand up to give way for the elderly who will take her lunch.
I decided to stroll around the mall. I entered a Book Shop I always visit, where I found good books with reasonable prices. Beside the Book Store, it was an Art Shop, and there was a man who was so busy doing a portrait of a child hugging her cat. He brought reality in its pale beauty. Every detail was vividly seen though it was in black and white. It made me a fan in an instant.
Unconsciously, I stared at him as his hands danced with his paint brush as it form every details of innocence of his subject. He put out his hanky and dries every drop of his sweat on his forehead. He stared deeply with his deep brown eyes and with his lips closed not giving anyone a smile. Everything I saw was just like the man I dearly loved.
I spent my thirty minutes staring at him, and he never notices me as I thought in that moment. It was never a waste of my time because I wore a smile I forgotten years now. I left the Art Shop, I did not inquire for their packages though I find it interesting to avail. I was satisfied with my free stare.
I continued strolling around and I saw a blouse that I really want on sale and also found out that many blouses were 50% off. As a sale enthusiast, I would not let this opportunity pass by. I went around looking for an ATM but every machine was a blockbuster. I should wait for my turn, as I stand 30th in the line I just remember that today was payday. As I waited and saw smiles on faces of people passing by with their shopping bags, I felt uneasy but I did not have any choice but to fall in line. As a I sighed, the man behind me sighed, too! I tried to see who he was and I saw the artist in the Art Shop.
"Opps!" I lose my balance as the man in front me tried to step backward. The man from the Art Shop used his body to prevent my tragic fall on the white dusty tiles of the Mall.
"Miss, I'm sorry." The man in front said though he was not looking in my eyes. He was looking at the deep brown eyes I saw earlier.
"Thanks..." I said in a demure manner. I did not know but that's how I expressed myself in front him. And he smiled at me and I smiled, too!
I started feeling the end of the line. I wished I was at the 100th and he was at the 101st in the line. But the truth was we were about to take our chance. I lost my desire to buy that blouse, those blouses I saw in a boutique. I just want to fall in line, but we cannot do it.
Before I left after my turn, I look at him and waited for him to end his turn.
"Thanks!" I said to him without looking at him.
"I saw you in our shop a while ago." He said with his sweet manly voice. "Why didn't you enter our shop?"
"I just admired your work you're finishing." I felt so shy knowing he noticed me. How about my stare? Did he notice it, too?
We walked together, not knowing each other’s names. The boutique was nearing and I needed to say goodbye to this moment.
"See you around, Miss?" He said when he was about to reach their shop in front of the boutique I would visit for the blouses. He was asking my name.
"Zoe, my name is Zoe." I said with my trembling voice.
"I'm Mar." He smiled as he reached his hand, and I hold it to shake hands with him that brought a thousand voltages in my body. "You can visit our shop anytime. I'll entertain you as long as I'm not busy. I promise."
"Thanks!" I said once again. I have lots of words in my mind but I cannot enunciate any of them. "I'll go now."
The end, it was the end of a great heart experience. He was like my man, the man I dearly loved all my life.
I went inside the boutique and found out that all the blouses I liked were purchased. And even the very blouse I loved did not have any size that would fit me. What a great day for shopping, was it? I went out the store and decided to go home, and it was almost nine in the evening. The Mall is about to close. It was my first time to stay inside the mall for this long number of hours I spent staring and falling in line. But it was special, so special that I can do it again as long as he was also there.
I went out the mall and rode the public bus with few passengers. I needed to wait again. The mall was already closed yet I am still in the bus waiting for it to fill up every seats. Until a man with a familiar scent sat beside me, it was Mar.
"Hello!" He said smiling.
I enunciated every word clearly as we talked about things, not noticing that all the seats were filled up and ready to leave the terminal. Waiting was the best thing I ever did that day. Indeed, learning to wait matters most.
And to my dear man, I finally found him and discovered it was just only a resemblance of you. I did not saw your reflection in him but rather saw the one I was missing in my life all these years. I am now happy. We were so happy.
I hope you're also happy up there, Dad. And you will still be my dearly loved man from the very start.
